I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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