You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
