i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
try to milk me bitch
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