Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
