why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
