Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
