I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
