I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
