Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
