is your mom at the bar?
4 words: hood of his car
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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