There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
