I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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