i wish peter jackson would direct porn
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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