ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
