guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It's shark week go big or go home
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
