Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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