There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
