Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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