You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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