i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
