I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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