Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
