I look better un-naked...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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