when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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