So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
