Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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