Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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