i think i have herpe
just one?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
