I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
