I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
