I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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