Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
