how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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