how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
