Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
