he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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