I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
