Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Is Oprah even human
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
