I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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