what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Sober January is a disaster.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
