omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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