get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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