How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
