You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
