It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
