I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
