the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
