It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
