$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
