yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
