my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
