Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
