is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
